The biggest privilege is females. Food is really irrelevant. Male chimpanzees can go a week without food if there's a female and they're sexually interested in her. Food is secondary to sex. The male chimpanzees and evolutionary biologists, of course, we have an explanation for this, is that sex leads to reproduction, and reproductive success is the measure of evolution. That's how everything evolves, and so if males can enhance their reproductive success by being high-ranking, you get automatically the ambition to be high-ranking in the males.
That's the privilege. The costs? One cost is, of course, that you need to keep your partners happy. If you come to power with the support of an old male, you need to let that old male mate with females.
If you don't do that, that old male is going to get mad at you and you're going to lose him as a partner, so there's a transaction going on. If you become alpha male this way, you need to keep your partners happy, and so that's one of the costs. The second cost is that everyone wants your position.
Alpha male position is a very important position and everyone wants to take it from you, and so you constantly have to watch your back. You have to be extremely vigilant. For example, you have to disrupt the coalitions of others, and that's what male chimpanzees do quite a bit, divide and rule strategies they have.
That's a very stressful situation. We actually have data on this. The data comes from the field, from baboons -- not chimpanzees in this case -- where they did fecal samples on the baboons and they analyzed them for glucocorticoids. What you see here is a graph where you see that the lower ranking the male baboon is, the higher is his cortisol level in the feces. But the alpha male, as you see, has just as high a level as the lowest ranking males.
You may think that being alpha male is nice and dandy and it's wonderful, but it's actually a very stressful position, and we can demonstrate that physiologically. Now what are the obligations? Here, for me, it gets really interesting and it deviates very much from your typical image of the alpha male.
The alpha male has two sorts of obligations. One is to keep the peace in the group. We call that the "control role," to control fights in the group.
The second is to be the most empathic, the consoler-in-chief, basically, of the nation, so to speak. First of all, keeping the peace. This is a male who stops a fight between two females.
Two females on the left and the right have been screaming and yelling at each other over food because food is very important for the females. He stops the fight between them and stands between them like this. It's very interesting to me that alpha males, when they do this, they become impartial.
They don't support their mom or the best buddy or no, no. They stop fights and they come up for the underdog, in general, and and this makes them extremely popular in the group because they provide security for the lowest-ranking members of the group. They become impartial, which is an unusual condition for a chimpanzee to be in because they're usually very fond of their friends and so on, and these alpha males who are good at this, they can be very effective at keeping the peace in the group.
The second thing they do is they show empathy for others. Now, I do an enormous amount of research on empathy -- and I don't have time to go into it -- but empathy is nowadays a topic that we study in rodents and dogs and elephants and primates, all sorts of animals.
What you see here is two bonobos. The one in front has been beaten up in a fight. The one in the back puts her arms around her and consoles her. This is also actually how we measure empathy in young children, by looking at how they respond to distressed individuals.
Whether you're at the cusp of an argument with your partner, or you are out at the bar and someone slams into you, a man with alpha male traits understands that fighting isn't useful. This doesn't mean you have to bow down to their demands, but introspection can be difficult and yet it's incredibly important across all parts of your life. There's nothing sexy about salads, sleep, hygiene, or flossing, but we do them because they keep us healthy. Taking care of yourself means more than just doing Crossfit a few times a week as well - to become an alpha means making sure you manage your stress and your mental health as well.
A man that controls everything but his temper is still at the mercy of his hormones and emotions, and can never truly be alphas. Many men get by in life with a few moves, below-average stamina , and the less-than-truthful praise of a few sexual partners. Sex is a team sport, however, and if your teammate isn't fulfilled, they'll find another partner. Worse yet, if you're worried that you're not as sexually gifted as you'd like, this will impact your performance.
Getting some help with premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, and learning a few new moves are all key ways to improve your sexual prowess , which in turn will boost your confidence. Lots of people get home from work and when they should be pursuing their interests - creating, building a business, chiseling rock-hard abs from flab - they're content to crack open some beers and veg out watching television. No matter what your poison is - porn, video games, booze, weed - it's probably shortening your life and it's shortening your attention span.
Alpha male characteristics drive us towards discomfort and growth, even when we just want to zone out. Besides, sinking into your couch with a cold beer feels a lot better when it's earned from pursuing our own self-betterment.
If you only go to work to make money that you then spend on vices and leisure, what are you building toward? Are you content to be a robot at your job for the " privilege " of spending your freedom pursuing disconnection? Alphas seek to better their society , starting with their community. Coach, work on a community garden, teach guitar lessons to underprivileged kids in your community, join social groups that do volunteer work, or go grocery shopping for your elderly neighbors.
Nobody got to where they are in life relying solely on themselves - all truly successful people had some form of help and alpha males are no different. If you're constantly waiting with your hand out for someone to give you money, you'll always be beta male. This is still true of waiting patiently to " get rewarded " with a raise or promotion at your job. If you truly want to improve your career, seek out that improvement - never wait for anyone else to permit you to better your own life.
If your happiness comes from your partner being in a good mood or your kids liking you, you're going to do mostly awful things, including not disciplining your kids and not standing up to your significant other.
Nobody likes a pushover, so stop sacrificing your happiness as an expense to please other people in the short term.
You should find happiness in the things you love and your life goals. Don't seek permission to be happy from other people. If you don't have the confidence that you could reasonably defend yourself in a fight, you're going to have trouble standing up to confrontation. It's less about being able to street fight like Jackie Chan and more that you could and would stand your ground if someone came after you.
Knowing that you could stare down someone who is trying to intimidate you builds higher levels of confidence. You might be wondering how some of these alpha traits work into making a man who leads in his life and charms all the ladies, without being a poser or tryhard.
These are all part of being a real alpha male. Assertion implies confidence and self-assurance. If you know yourself and what you want, you have no problem taking charge of a room. If you put on a show of what you think it means to be confident, people will see you as a fake and arrogant person. This usually sends a clear message to other alpha males to stay out of your way. Part of believing in yourself comes from celebrating your accomplishments and honestly looking at what you can do, what you are capable of doing, and what you think you need to improve.
The best way for you to build alpha male characteristics in yourself is to tackle them head-on. Dependable alpha males show up in every part of their lives.
They seize opportunities and do not allow the voices of fear of failure or a sense of inadequacy to argue them out of action. These men are active, even if they reach out to take hold of an opportunity leads them to fall down, they get back up and continue to move forward.
What many modern men lack when it comes to this is the ability to take justifiable risks. There is no sense in exploring the distinction between Alpha and Beta Males because it is a false one. The true distinction lies between individuals who are willing to risk a little pain, a little setback, or a deeper understanding of their own capabilities in order to gain something they truly want for themselves and those who are not.
If you are able to laugh at yourself first, no one else can lampoon you. Men who are known to be alphas are capable of making light of their mistakes, their shortcomings, and their failures before others and then of moving on to the next moment. It all ties back into the difference between self-respect and Ego. Ego hates to be made a fool of and is also incapable of moving past a moment of weakness or insufficiency.
Again, this is about perspective. When you act from a place of Ego, you are the most important thing in the room. Your actions assume colossal importance.
You are incapable of seeing past yourself to the larger view of life. The Alpha Male is persistent. He does not give up and quit things easily, and he is always the last man standing. He will not back up or give in.
He is considered the tortoise instead of the hare because he is smart and calculating. A real man stands by his beliefs and his values and will do whatever is needed to accomplish his goals. His persistence pays off and is a sign of determination and success. Emotional intelligence is the capacity to be aware of, control, and express your emotions. As an Alpha Male, you have the traits and characteristics that allow you to better handle interpersonal relationships and approach them more judiciously and empathetically.
The five characteristics of emotional intelligence are self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, motivation, and social skill. You will also find that these are the very traits and characteristics that define a real Alpha Male. A further aspect of the Alpha is the capacity to be a gentleman. While this need not be placed in the forefront, it is an essential aspect of nearly all truly great men.
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